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My Angels


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My Angels


 
 
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I didn't know it at the time but after we lost our first baby I desperately wanted to be heard. I wanted people to know that I was to be a Mom and my husband a Dad. That our baby was so very loved even before we saw the heartbeat. I didn't know it was going to happen but it did. I had contractions, bled a lot and passed blood clots. The only thing I could think of was that little pieces of my baby were dropping out of me. I failed my child, and my husband...my body failed me. I've never felt so deeply in my life. I cried with a voice that wasn't mine. My husband held my trembling body as our dreams crashed around us. People say take comfort in your body knowing something was wrong. But all you really want to hear is life isn't fair, be angry, be sad...I'm sorry. Hugs...a lot of hugs and a shoulder to cry on. 

I was told from the beginning my second pregnancy had a 50/50 chance. This was before I was rushed to the hospital from crippling pain, before my fallopian tube ruptured from an ectopic pregnancy and was removed in an emergency surgery. We gained another angel this day. The same day I could have lost my own life. Trying to start a family shouldn't be this HEARTBREAKING and PAINFUL.

I've never felt so many contradicting feelings in my life...

I'm ok, but I'm not.

I'm happy, but I'm sad.

I'm appreciative, but I'm angry.

I'm strong, but I'm vulnerable.

 

 

Silver lining


Through my broken heart I've found

my PURPOSE.

Silver lining


Through my broken heart I've found

my PURPOSE.

 

I started working on this project when I needed it the most. I couldn't imagine the family I'd have one day, only the agony I'd feel when loosing my next pregnancy like the previous two. I'm appreciative of each and every conversation I've had with the storytellers in this project. They've given me comfort and hope during my difficult journey and I've been told the feeling is mutual.

 
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sad words are just another beauty.


"A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile."

-Little Bee

sad words are just another beauty.


"A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile."

-Little Bee

My Boys


My Boys


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Almost a year after my Ectopic pregnancy I discovered I was pregnant again. My husband and I were absolutely shocked when we found out I was carrying identical twins.

I was fearful for most of my pregnancy that complications associated with having Monochorionic-Diamniotic twins would arise. However, I was cautiously hopeful that this time would be different and I would finally hold my children that myself and many others were praying for. 

Our healthy, heaven sent, sons were born on August 18, 2016. Perfect in every way.

Painful as it was, I'm thankful for the journey because from it all, came my greatest joy; my double rainbow. I will, however, always wonder who my little angels would have been.